he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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