You really coming over, don't trick.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
