i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
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Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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