Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
