After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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