Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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