Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
