i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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