Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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