I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
