I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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