Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
