If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
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i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
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How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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