she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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