I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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