i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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