I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
