Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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