cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
