Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
