I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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