So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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