I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
