u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
