Where did you get a picture of my penis
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
