I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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