sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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