this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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