i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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