she was so not down for the gang bang
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
