Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
