i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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