i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
