Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
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I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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