I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
