Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize