So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
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I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
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I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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