i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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