dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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