I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
