I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize