Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
