So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
