The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize