Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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