glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
