Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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