I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
