He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
