You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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