Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
