I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
