He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
