I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
