Rock
Scissors
Fuck
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
