I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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