I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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