I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
