Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
