woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize