is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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