How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
