i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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