Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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