I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
