we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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