what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
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She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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