Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
