Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Randomize
